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Maybe soon the British and the Americans won't be the only ones divided by a common language:
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".
In the first year "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this
will make sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped
in
favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year when troublesome "ph" will be replased with the "f". This
will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgraseful and it should go away.
By the 4th year, yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer ze
unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes
vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After ziz fifz
yer ve vil hav rali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor truble or
difikultis and evrivum vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
